Blue Like That

This has been my favorite song for as long as I can remember.  I don't know where I heard it first, but since I was a little girl I've pulled it out every few months to calm my soul and rekindle my dreams.

"The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone. "

Agency and Happiness

2 Nephi 10: 23

"Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves-to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life."

I had an interesting realization this morning: Agency is often the greatest source of happiness in this life.  Why?  Because we can choose.  We can choose what lifestyle we want, and the blessings associated with living a healthy, active, and restful life.  We can choose how to react to the circumstances around us- we can choose to be cheerful.

Too often we consign ourselves to our bad circumstances, explaining that we had a bad day because we didn't do so well on a test, got in a fight with our roommate, or whatever.  What we're really saying, though, is that our reactions to those events made us unhappy.  It is important to allow ourselves to feel- even when that's sad, hurt, or angry.  Those feelings tell us that something is up- that we didn't like the way we were treated (and thus shouldn't treat others that way), that we are disappointed about an outcome (and might need to study harder or alter our expectations in the future), or something else.  But it's what we do next that matters.  If we allow ourselves to see the incident through the lens of the eternal plan of happiness, we can learn to approach our lives a little differently.  We can use experiences of hurt to learn, and thus to become more completely the divine sons and daughters that our Heavenly Father knows we can be.

Even though it is often the agency of others that hurts us deeply, it is that same agency that enables us to be wonderful, blessed people anyway.

:-)

"You've been calm since I picked you up."

Best compliment of the day.

tuesday: some joy

Still not really getting into the big posts I have planned...but in the meantime, I have some happiness to share.

First of all, I got my first job offer!  Big whoop.  And free cereal!

Second, I'm learning and growing so much.  I mess up occasionally  and I am becoming so grateful for the promise that if we ask Father to show us our weaknesses, he will show them to us and help turn them into strengths.  I never realized how awesome that promise was until now.  If there's an area that's not going right, I can ask Him to help me identify what it is, and also how to fix it.  Like how I've realized lately that I'm not that great of a listener- at least not as good as I'd like to be.  And, after praying for help, I've quickly been given more opportunities to practice and improve.  Steady progress upward is difficult, but it's also possible. AND it's important to remember that we don't need to be perfect now, and we don't have to (and can't) do it alone.  All we need to do is take one step forward every day.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I love where I live.  I love living with people who help me be better, give me opportunities to serve, and who shower me with love.  There is so much peace in coming home to a safe place.

I'm improving in my Spanish class!  Woo Hoo!

Epiphany: Living after the manner of happiness doesn't mean that you'll always be happy.  It just means you're giving happiness the best shot.

Massive wonderful realization from Celeste's blog: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints isn't perfect, but the gospel is.  There are many problems with specific people and the way mortals carry out their responsibilities.  But you know what? That's sort of the way it's supposed to be.  The Church isn't run by perfect people who do everything perfectly- as Celeste put it, that would be Satan's plan.  The idea on earth is to all muddle together and try to do the best we can living the gospel.  Our testimony should be based off the gospel and the living reality of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, not how we were treated by people who are on their own spiritual journey just as we are.

I had an incredibly emotional moment today when I stumbled across the Voices of Hope project.  The website isn't officially launched yet, but their first video is.  It's an incredible project, and one of my friends was the first to share his story.  His name is Blake, and I really respect him for his courage and kindness.  See him share part of his story here.

And finally- sometimes it's okay just to be.  It's okay to not to freak out about moving forward and over-analyzing everything.  Sometimes you just have to live for a while.  It's important to have days where you're not thinking about what everything means, and afterward you can look back and think, "Wow, today was nice.  Yeah, there are things that didn't go perfectly.  Yeah, I made mistakes.  But overall I did my best, worked hard, loved those around me, and laughed."  Sometimes I think we look for too much in life- for dramatic romantic-comedy moments, action-filled car chases, and grand intellectual epiphanies.  But really, life is meant for us to work hard, love others, laugh some, cry some, and make the world a little better for our being in it.  Little steps every day.  That's manageable, right?

After all "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass".

So Blessed

So many wonderful, hopeful things in my life right now.  I'm actually sitting on a fairly lengthy post, but in the meantime I'd just like to share some of that happy things that are making it easy to be grateful!

• Successfully navigated my first career fair last week!  I almost peed my pants with fear beforehand, but with some wise words of comfort and counsel I was just fine.
• I love gospel discussions, and this morning I had a great one with my roommate Jameyson.  Seriously, though.  Few things are more incredible than being able to be open and honest (and learn!) about important things with those closest to you.
• Had my first job interview today, and it went really well!  It's just one step along the way, but it feels good to be taking steps forward.
• Went to Winco (in professional attire) and shopped like a boss!  Sometimes pretending to be an adult is really fun. :-)
• Came home to find another interview opp. waiting for me on my email!
• I had an epiphany driving home (driving my wonderful boyfriend's car, I might add, because he's the best and doesn't always let me get away with being stubborn).  PROVO IS BEAUTIFUL.  We live in a gorgeous place.  The mountains are incredible.  We are so lucky.  I never thought I'd really say this, but I love it here.
• Delicious guacamole and peach mango salsa. I might die.

Monday thought

True Doctrine, Understood

There is an often quoted statement by Elder Boyd K. Packer that, particularly in my field of study, has provoked conversation. 

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.  The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."

Studying in the behavioral sciences, this is often a source of contention and debate.  If studying behavior doesn't help, then why do we do it?  Should all psychologists and sociologists and anthropologists just quite and teach the gospel instead?  It's a little bit demoralizing sometimes.

Or at least it was, until one of my blessed 111 students today shared the rest of the quote with me.  (It's from Elder Packer's October 1986 General Conference talk, entitled "Little Children"

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.

The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."

When I read this, it was as though dozens of the feelings I've been having and things I've come to understand all of the sudden clicked together.  Studying behavior is good, it is helpful, and it is necessary.  But we need to be wary of preoccupation with problematic behaviors without constantly remembering the solutions to the problems- which are always eternal solutions.

Let me give an example.  For a long time, my favorite show was Criminal Minds.  It's a very, very dark show.  Nevertheless, often I would get off of work at 1am and then eagerly watch as twisted criminals were understood and investigated.  I dreamed of understanding the way their minds worked, and then of finding ways to "fix" them.  But the problem was this: I was only focusing on the problem, not the solution.  The only way to truly help men and women this scarred would be to treat them as the divine sons and daughters of God that they are- to teach them true principles and expect them to live up to them.

And so it is with many social ills- abortion, poverty, violence, etc.  As we become preoccupied talking about school shootings and horrific abuse and gang violence and homelessness, we unwittingly support its increase.  Alternatively, as we teach true doctrine, help others understand true principles, and become examples of truth and light in our own lives, these ills will slowly fade.

Now, to be clear, I'm not saying that we should ignore wrongdoings that occur in our world.  Absolutely not.  They should be taken care of by the proper authority.  Children should be warned, cautiously, about the dangers of the world they live in.  We have to be practical.  But we don't have to live in fear.  Doing so only results in more reasons to fear.

I'm coming to understand that the answers to most soul-wrenching questions aren't as difficult as they seem- although they can be difficult to implement.  The solutions aren't fiscally expensive, nor do they require many social groups to set in motion.  They are in fact, very simple, and all contained within one simple doctrine: Love one another.  The difficulty here lies not in the finding of the answer, but in the constant and steady changes made in the hearts of individual people.

Toward the end of his address, Elder Packer shared this truth:

"Secular doctrines have the advantage of convincing, tangible evidence. We seem to do better in gathering data on things that can be counted and measured.

Doctrines which originate in the light, on the other hand, are more often supported by intangible impressions upon the spirit. We are left for the most part to rely on faith."

 Which, I guess, brings me back to the theme of the year: Faith.  I've known for a while that focusing on the negative doesn't bring good.  Even in personal mistakes, the hurt caused by others, and everyday problems- the answer rarely, if ever, lies in focusing on the wrong.  Instead, peace and joy comes in recognizing the power of the Atonement to forgive, heal, and help us move on.  When I make a mistake, I feel bad, but only long enough to remember the beautiful gift of the Christ's sacrifice.  From that point on, I must put all my efforts into becoming better, aided by the grace granted to those who repent.  When I am hurt by others, at some point focusing on the pain only blocks my ability to be healed.  Much like the ancient Israelites, we are often too preoccupied by our pain to look to the source of healing- when the dramatic irony is that if we would but look, we would be healed.

This post has been a bit of a word vomit, and I apologize.  But it's also a synthesis of so many things I'm coming to learn.

When we sin, mess up, get hurt, or do or feel any of the silly human things that we do- Remember:

  Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.

Focus on the good- the hope, the truth, and the light.  When we do, it will come.

...if you build it, they will come. :-)