Afternoon self-talk

With other people, it's imperative to focus on the positive.  Nothing inhibits growth like someone who does nothing but nag, complain, and demean.  And yet, we all have the urge to tell others what to be doing better. In some respects, it's part of good communication.  But I came across a quote today that reminded me that we don't have to do it alone:

"Tell others the positive, and tell God the negative"

Praise others, point out their positive aspects, and love them.  And then take your concerns to God.  If they are truly important, He will help those you love improve themselves.  Don't stress about fixing people, and if you do have concerns that shouldn't be immediately discussed, save them for prayer.  Then you'll have so much more time and energy to better love others.

*sigh* I love how complicated I can make life, when the answers are really so very simple.

The metaphor seems clear to me.  What about you?

a note from John Gottman

I'm taking the quickest of breaks from outlining the new textbook my professor is using for psych 111 this fall, because I want to share this section of text with you.  This particular passage is about research done by John Gottman, a psychologist who specializes in marriage relationships.

"One of Gottman's key observations is the ratio of positive to negative comments in a couple's discussion of a problem.  Happy couples make 5 times more positive comments about each other and their relationship during these discussions (e.g., we laugh a lot versus we never have any fun).

In several places in this textbook, we have emphasized how the human mind is skewed toward the negative, like noticing bitter tastes over sweet.  This slant suggests that it is all too easy to focus on your partner's negative qualities, which will lead to negative emotions and conflict.  If we put our relationships on evolutionary cruise control, the ratio of positive to negative comments might drop to a point where the relationship is in danger.  Maintaining a more positive outlook on your partner requires attention and work."

Point made?  The way we talk to another person in a relationship isn't just "natural".  It takes work, dedication, and a whole lot of effort to make sure that we notice, point out, and dwell on the positive aspects of the relationship instead of the negative.  We are WIRED to do the opposite.  We aren't wired to talk about the positive things, and yet that's what relationships require to survive.  It's hard, but I it's also worth it.  Not just that, it's essential!

ok, ok, ranting done.  happy picture of a happy couple, just to leave things on a happy note...