Reevaluating Proximity

A gentle surprise of abiding joy

overwhelms into brimming tears

Encapsulating bonds of love

and enduring miles and years.

We know not when we yet will meet

again in truth and light;

But in my soul a peace there rests

that Father holds you tight.

I know my place is distant still,

yet it's where I'm needed.

And so I leave you in His care

until back home I'm heeded.

Yesterday with the help of two cars, two planes, and BART, I made the trip back to Provo, Utah.  Walking the streets in the evening, I couldn't help but realize that this really does feel like home.  I will miss my family, but I rest assured knowing that while I am doing my best our here, they will be watched over by one who is more wise than I.

Moving Forward and Finding Closure: Graduation and Weddings

This past week has been very full- but wonderfully so.  Thursday and Friday I hit a major milestone: I graduated from Brigham Young University with my Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology.  I wasn't really planning to walk, but my family came out and in the end I'm really glad I did.  It provided me some closure I didn't realize I wanted, and it was honestly just plain fun!

Elder L. Tom Perry spoke at the Commencement ceremonies on Thursday afternoon, and it was excellent.  I enjoyed the emphasis he placed on finding balance in life between physical and emotional health, developing personal worth, establishing financial security, and building spiritual strength.  Balance is important! (Read more about his address here.)

After Commencement on Thursday mine and Michael's families met up at a small park up Provo Canyon for food (5.27 lbs of tortellini, to be exact) and such.  We ended up playing Frisbee and chatting for a while, and it was really just a lot of fun!

Friday morning was my convocation ceremony, and while it was long and warm, I was significantly more excited than I thought I would be!  My favorite thoughts came from two of the speakers:

Success is in large measure determined by how we react to our failures- our failures are the building blocks of success. ~Geography Valedictorian  

Many of the most important things cannot be counted, ranked or quantified.  The things that matter most cannot be reduced to a number, rank, or quantity, but they will determine who you are. ~Main speaker...who I can't remember right now but will look up when I'm in Utah! 

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. ~Samuel Johnson (quoted by main speaker)

Shortly after convocation on Friday (but not shortly enough that we couldn't eat some tortellini and finish packing) my Dad, Rae Lyn, Ben and I headed back to California.  We made it to Lovelock, Nevada (where ironically, five years ago I got in my first bad car accident) and spent the night in a quaint little hotel where the owner told me (with a straight face) that they didn't have bathrooms, and I believed him.  

After a good night's rest (and a long morning run), we drove the rest of the way to Nevada City, where I spent a few hours at my Mom's wedding reception.  It was harder than I'd like to admit, but I feel very blessed with strength to have been able to handle the occasion with grace and class.  My mom seemed happy, and I'm very grateful for the opportunity we all have to move forward in faith.  It was also really nice to see some old friends from Nevada City and Dixon and hear about their successes and lives.

By the time we made it back to Paradise on Saturday evening, I was exhausted.  I'm recovering now, and appreciating the time to relax, enjoy family, and delve into my library books.  I start work in 19 days- so I'm going to take full advantage of my remaining vacation!

Oh, and guess what?  I'm a college graduate!

Ben and I while waiting for Processional

I love my family- I'm so happy they came. 

Yeah, there were lots of us.  FHSS for the win!

I started to get really excited for my diploma case...

I made a new friend!  She is fantastic.

Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve
I really hope I can live up to this.

Obligatory Sibling Picture

Real life Sibling Picture

Michael and I after Commencement
(Shortly after Dad said, "Here, let me take one to send to the family" and I sort of flipped out envisioning a picture of myself and a boy being sent to 50+ relatives...)

Day 22: final

You know what I've loved about doing this string of Thankfuls? I've realized that I have so much to be grateful for, so many times on a daily basis that I see the hand of God in my life.

Times like yesterday, when I wasn't feeling well but friend was so kind and gentle. Or last night, when I was able to have a really good discussion with his mom about all sorts of important things. Or a few weeks ago, when my good friend called just when I needed it. And every quiet moment when I actually learn to breathe and relax.

Some of the times I am most grateful for are moments of inspiration. I've been feeling those a lot lately. Recently, I've been increasingly blessed to start developing a good understanding of what I want my marriage and future family to look like. I'm so grateful that I'm learning now that I want a partner who loves and respects all that I am- but who doesn't need to be just like me. In fact, because I am so passionate about so many things, in order to be my best self I need someone who helps me feel grounded in reality at times.

As quirky and strange as they are (myself included), I'm grateful for my family. We each have our challenges, but I wouldn't be who I am today without each one of them. I want to be with them forever, and I love them deeply- which is why they cause me such joy and such pain. We are placed in our families for a specific reason- and I learn so much from mine.

I am just so very grateful to be alive. It is truly a great gift we have been given that we get to experience life every day. To wake and breathe and walk and communicate and work and laugh and love. To struggle. To soar. To be challenged, and to fail. And finally to succeed. To feel both pain and the tenderness of touch.

It is all to easy to take life for granted, and I hope I never truly do.

Oh yeah- I'm also exceptionally grateful for turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and PIE!!!

Day 9

I'm so grateful that regardless of what goes on in the world in general, I can build a fortress of goodness, fun, love, discipline, values and compassion in my own home.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that the majority of social organizations in this world were created to deal with the effects of broken and dysfunctional homes.  It would seem, then, that the greatest good we can do for society is to create and maintain a solid home foundation.

It's taken me a long time for my social activist mind to figure this out, but I'm glad I'm finally starting to get it.

What my home will look like:

A refuge of comfort and security, where you know you are loved and accepted.

An environment where hard work is taught and expected, with the understanding that anything can be accomplished if one is willing to work for it.

Pictures and decorations of things that are the most important adorning the walls.

Cozy nooks for cuddling and couches for lounging, because relaxing is an important part of a balanced life.

A collection of books and movies that teach good principles and values.

Ways to have good, clean fun: a basketball hoop, board games, classic non-violent video games, bookshelves, Foosball, baseball gloves,  music, coloring books, chalk, bubbles, crafts supplies, etc.

An attitude of gratitude that is communicated through constant service both in and outside of the home.

TONS of delicious (and yet secretly fairly healthy) food!

A place where expectations are clear, communication is two-way, and everyone feels just challenged enough that it helps them work hard to become better.

A stark absence of anger, contention, and harsh words.

Tickle fights and wrestling

Honesty

Abundant words of authentic praise

Gentle guidance

Honest discussions about serious things 

A rhetoric of value-laden words with which to talk about life's experiences

A place where truth is taught and lived

Teaching by example.

Day 8: Nicole

After almost 2 hours on the phone with her today, I remembered that there are some things only sisters can share and understand. I love her dearly, and I am so grateful that we have one another.

crazy whirlwind weekend

one hour drive - flight - three hour drive - high school football game - meeting little brother's friends - phone call - sleep - wedding wedding wedding - laughter - hugs - hiding - i love you - one hour drive - delicious soup - conversations with parents - basket weaving - phone call - sleep - church - deep thoughts - nap - drive two hours - family - giants game - nephew - sister - emotionally draining - laughter - competition - hugs - spaghetti - drive two hours - phone call - brother's bed - sleep - fire - serious talk - three hour drive - flight - short deep conversation - one hour drive - new taylor swift album - hugs - kisses - real relaxation - playing - grocery shopping - sweet note -  made bed - roommate moments - sleeping stationary spiders - teasing - tired - roommate bonding - realization - sleep

Blessed

Lately I've had a boatload of opportunities to show the people around me that I love them, and to know that they need me.  Sometimes I complain about it, because sometimes it's hard to be everyone's rock.  But when it really comes down to it, I'm grateful for opportunities to know that I matter to others.  Because this is what love is about--this is what LIFE is about!  This is family.  And family is joy.

An interesting view on same-sex marriage

Came across this article from my dear friend Jessie recently, and I agree with a lot of it.  It's an interesting use of ethos- the author used to be on one side of the issue, and is now arguing against her own arguments.  The main point of the article that I agree with is captured in this paragraph:

I initially approached the marriage question from a fundamentally incorrect starting position — implicitly adopting the argument that marriage exists for the benefit of adults, for their fulfillment and enjoyment.  This is a fundamentally selfish view of marriage (I’m getting married to fulfill me).  Instead, marriage is the fundamental building block of the family, the cultural cornerstone of a society, and it exists primarily for the benefit not of adults but of children.

And I believe she's right.  Marriage isn't for the parents, it's for the children.  Selfishness has no place in marriage, and we as a society have done seemingly everything possible in the past few decades to counteract that.  


This isn't just about same-sex marriage, it's about all marriages.  It's about the problems that have arisen from no-fault divorce laws and similar functions that, while originally designed to protect abused parties, have descended into a downward spiral of selfishness that we not only practice but teach through word and example to the rising generation.


Read the whole article here: http://blog.speakupmovement.org/university/uncategorized/i-was-wrong-about-marriage/

'of one accord'

This may be my new favorite scripture on things related to romantic and marital relationships.  Enjoy.

Philippians 2:2-3
"Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than themselves. "

If a real, loving relationship is ever going to be possible, you can't live in the 50/50 mindset.  Each person has to give their full 100%, and trust each other enough to believe that the other is doing the same.  As long as you're looking at the relationship in terms of  what you can get out of it, you're never putting enough in.  When your primary concern isn't your partner's needs, but your own, neither of you will ever have those needs fulfilled.  It's a type of the Prisoner's Dilemma, really: the only way for both parties to have the best possible outcome is if they put the other person first.

It's hard and scary, putting your heart in someone else's hands.  You can be brutally hurt, abused, neglected, and mistreated in many ways- and people very often are.  It's the sad truth of the world that we live in.  But when you engage in a relationship where you and your partner love God enough to put the needs of the other first, service becomes cyclical and happiness runs rampant.  It really is the only way.  Build trust, yes.  Be discerning.  Be careful whose hands you place your precious heart in.  But once you know they can be trusted, once you seem the glimmer of goodness that makes you believe in them- go all in.  It is the route that has the greatest cost, but also the only one that will reap the full possibility of benefits.