Music for my Soul

Today my ward had our Easter program early because our ward choir director is getting married! There was a tremendous amount of beautiful music, and I was reminded again of how close to heaven I feel when I can let go and allow myself to be encompassed by words and notes. One song in particular really touched me. As I sat listening, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, reminded of the great peace I feel in my Heavenly Father's care, as well as my gratitude for the grace and enabling power of the Atonement.

Here's a version I love (and not just because it has Spanish subtitles):

Blue Like That

This has been my favorite song for as long as I can remember.  I don't know where I heard it first, but since I was a little girl I've pulled it out every few months to calm my soul and rekindle my dreams.

"The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone. "

Today's smiles

I'm grateful for many things today.  Here's just a few:

-Running. Yesterday at physical therapy I was able to run a mile (PAIN FREE!) for the first time in over 4 months.
-Music.  Pandora has made the world of paper-grading so much more enjoyable.
-Students who care.  In grading papers, I can tell how much effort some of these students put into the paper, and I'm learning so much from them!  Also, I got the mid-semester evaluations back, and got to read some really nice comments. :-)  Nothing like some good positive feedback.
-Physical health.  Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to be healthy, and to know enough about health to take care of others.
-Skills. No, but really.  I'm grateful I've had the opportunity in my life to learn basic skills like reading, writing, cooking, cleaning, etc. that allow me to be a competent individual in this world.  I love being able to contribute to the Kingdom.
-Snow.  Yes, it's freezing.  But there's something beautiful about getting to get all snuggly in sweaters, scarves, and boots.  Plus, now I have a legitimate excuse to go get caramel apple cider!
-People.  When I take a few moments to look at the people around me, really look, I can see their goodness, and how they try to share it with the world.  I love being surrounded, as C. S. Lewis puts it, by potential gods and goddesses. It truly is no small thing.

Smile a little today.  We live in a beautiful world with fantastic challenges and opportunities.

Be OK

thank you, Yellowcard, for saying the words my heart couldn't find

You never know how much you want something until you have to fight for it.

I loved you first.

I love you still.

I always will.

when it's too much...push back

but NEVER give in.

If my life has taught me anything, it's that I can push through anything.  When no one else can be strong, I can.  I may not be able to make decisions, but I can climb over any wall, solve any problem, remedy any situation, and tackle any problem.  There's nothing that can't be solved with blood, sweat, tears, and prayer.  I may come out the other side bruised, broken, and torn- But I always come out.

too much

Thank-You

To all of my roommates, for making me lunch, giving me hugs (and not judgmental looks) when I come home late at night, orienting me to the scriptures, talking to be about everything, discussing pop-psychology personality types, staying up late to have talks from one bed to the other, laughing, loving, praying, playing, and just being together.

To my best guy friend, for staying patient and kind even when I'm an obstinate teenager, for fighting to keep the Spirit when I seem to be doing everything in my power to drive it away, and for pushing me to grow especially when it's hard.

To my geographically challenged friend that is so far away, for talking in the small moments I have and for sharing her life with me.

To the writer of this blog post, for reminding me to keep thoughts of dating and marriage in perspective.

To my legs and stomach, for not committing mutiny after the way I've treated you lately.

To my Heavenly Father, for sticking with me even when I'm exhausted and want to throw in the towel- and for reminding me that it will be worth it in the long run.

And to Gotye and YouTube, for letting me listen to this song 20+ times in the past 48 hours.

In the mornings
I was anxious

It's better just to stay in bed

Didn't want to fail myself again

Running through all the options

And the endings

Were rolling out in front of me

But I couldn't choose a thread to begin

And I could not love

'Cause I could not love myself

Never good enough, no

That was all I'd tell myself

And I was not well

But I could not help myself

I was giving up on living

In the morning

You were leaving

Travelling south again

And you said you were not unprepared

And all the dead ends

And disappointments

Were fading from your memory

Ready for that lonely life to end

And you gave me love

When I could not love myself

And you made me turn

From the way I saw myself

And you're patient, love

And you help me help myself

And you save me

God gave me you

For the handful of beautiful people in my life who pull me through, constantly, and help me become better.

You know who you are.

Thank you.