A few thoughts on Love (on any other topic this would be called a rant)

There is a pervasive and fallacious belief in society that love is fleeting, that love is merely a desire or emotion felt at one period of time, subject to change and alteration.  This is a viewpoint I have seen expressed by many people, some very close to me, and I believe it is destructive to the true and beautiful nature of love.

Love is not merely an emotion.  Rather, it is a choice- a conscious commitment to look deeply enough into the soul of another human being, to try and understand their most raw selves, that you begin to see their true nature.  As sung in Les Miserables "To love another person is to see the face of God".  It truly is.  The ability to love is a divine gift bestowed upon feeble, imperfect people in order that we may, through unified efforts, come to know God.

One does not simply stop loving.  If you truly love someone- a sister or brother, a parent, a child, a friend, or a lover- you can't just stop.  Love, while the most fundamental force of mortality, is not the only one.  And love often causes people to do things that seem contrary to modern society's idea of passionate, romanticized love.  An unwed mother who gives up her child for adoption is typically viewed as caring deeply for the infant, so deeply, in fact, that she is willing to make great sacrifices to do what is best for the child.  And the brother who seemingly humiliates his sister to save her from a precarious circumstance is clearly seen to be exercising his brotherly love by protecting her best interests.  And yet, the lover who lets go, for one of the hundreds of good reasons one may have, is villainized.

You never stop loving someone.  The heart isn't a finite amount of space that is taken up by each person for whom we care.  Instead, [insert Michael's logical fallacy here] the more we love, the greater our capacity to love.  The ability to love is less like a substance and more like a muscle- the more it is exercised, the stronger it becomes.  The more people we learn to care for, and the more deeply we learn to care, the more we are blessed with the ability to understand the children of God and to have compassion, empathy, and charity.

Loving is never wrong.  Even when in loving we are hurt, abused, or used, the exercise of our God-given ability to love will never count against us in eternity.  We can do things in the name of love, things that violate commandments and wound the tender souls of those who have so trustingly allowed us access to their hearts, but these are merely attempts to justify inappropriate behavior in the name of virtue.  True love never compromises the virtue, safety, or spiritual well-being of another person.  And true love never ceases, but always grows.

Peace and Joy

There have been hard times in my life where I've learned that even when I can't turn to anyone else, my Heavenly Father loves me unconditionally and perfectly.

But in the past week, I've had the blessing of feeling the love of God through others.  I am so grateful and almost overwhelmed by the many people and opportunities He has sent my way to remind me that I am loved, and that He wants me to be happy.

I've also learned that two of the greatest joys in this life are knowing that you are right before God, and having the opportunity to share His love with others. 

Blue Like That

This has been my favorite song for as long as I can remember.  I don't know where I heard it first, but since I was a little girl I've pulled it out every few months to calm my soul and rekindle my dreams.

"The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone. "

Two Towers

So often I find my world shaking and crumbling. I make mistakes. I feel guilt. I suffer the consequences of those I love making choices that lead to pain. I struggle to assess and reassess how to live and learn. I pour my soul out in words only to discover I've been muted by pain or pride. So I offer myself through warmth and softness, and those too are lost in the rubble of doubt and fear.

And yet, amidst the wreckage, I find that two things stand firm: truth and love. While it may feel as though you drop pebbles into a bottomless well, there is hope. Standards to truth will always arise to clear the fog. Love that is given accumulates to form intangible bonds of strength that eventually become too strong to deny. If you search hard enough, you will always find truth. And if you love long enough, it will always make a difference.

The Christmas Spirit

Since being home, things have been wonderful.  I've had some good conversations with my Dad and Rae Lyn, gotten to watch and play basketball with Ben, relax a bit, shop a big, learn a bit, work a bit, and sleep.

And yet, things have also been hard.  Until I come home, I forget how deeply some of the things and people here tear into my soul and grieve my heart.  I can usually keep a handle on these things when I'm far away at school, but actually being here is different.  Simply the proximity to problems puts me in a whirlwind of emotion and anxiety.  The constant discussions of people we don't understand, the worries of trying to help someone gone astray.  It may be partially a result of all the dental work I got done last week, but I've had the most painful headaches this week that I've ever experienced.

Which has helped me realize how hard I've fought to create a life different that this one.  There are things I love about home, don't get me wrong.  But in Utah, my home, I've tried to create an atmosphere of love- where even if you don't agree with someone, everyone is treated with love.  No constant backbiting and bad-mouthing, just discussions of how to treat others in a more Christlike way.  Now I know it's far from perfect, but it's something I cherish.  And something I miss.  The quiet nights of smiles and laughter.  The sappy animal/baby videos on youtube.  The opportunity to help my students every day.  An apartment where things are shared and service is rendered daily.

Now that I'm home, I'm realizing how vital it is to make my influence felt here.  I don't always succeed in doing right- in fact I had to face the hard truth yesterday that I need to stop treating Ben like a little child.  And yet I know that I'm here for a reason, and that I've had some advantages that others haven't.  

And so...I'm trying to share the Christmas Spirit.  

When I was 15, I was asked to give a talk on Christmas.  Not a normal youth talk, a full 20 minute adult talk.  I was petrified.  But it was also one of the most wonderful experiences of my life.  And my favorite part was a poem I discovered from one of President Thomas S. Monson's old talks.  

This December, the Christmas Message by President Monson included that same poem from so long ago.  As I read the words to myself, I remember that the spirit of Christmas, indeed the spirit of Christ, means simple, quiet service wherever we stand.

I am the Christmas Spirit—
I enter the home of poverty, causing palefaced children to open their eyes wide, in pleased wonder.
I cause the miser’s clutched hand to relax and thus paint a bright spot on his soul.
I cause the aged to renew their youth and to laugh in the old glad way.
I keep romance alive in the heart of childhood, and brighten sleep with dreams woven of magic.
I cause eager feet to climb dark stairways with filled baskets, leaving behind hearts amazed at the goodness of the world.
I cause the prodigal to pause a moment on his wild, wasteful way and send to anxious love some little token that releases glad tears—tears which wash away the hard lines of sorrow.
I enter dark prison cells, reminding scarred manhood of what might have been and pointing forward to good days yet to be.
I come softly into the still, white home of pain, and lips that are too weak to speak just tremble in silent, eloquent gratitude.
In a thousand ways, I cause the weary world to look up into the face of God, and for a little moment forget the things that are small and wretched.
I am the Christmas Spirit.¹

Merry Christmas. 

Gratitude experiment: Day 2

Today's note will be brief, bit no less important for brevity.

I am grateful for the ways in which I've been able to experience love. For the strong feelings of protective love I've had for my little brother, the deep bond of companionate love I've developed with good friends and family, the passionate love that has taught me much and occasionally gotten me into trouble, and for the true love that has taught me the joy of sacrifice and service for those you hold dear.

Love can be painful, because you extend your heart to someone who you know doesn't know exactly how to hold it. But you do it anyway, because love isn't about how well someone else holds your heart, but about how carefully you hold theirs.

Afternoon self-talk

With other people, it's imperative to focus on the positive.  Nothing inhibits growth like someone who does nothing but nag, complain, and demean.  And yet, we all have the urge to tell others what to be doing better. In some respects, it's part of good communication.  But I came across a quote today that reminded me that we don't have to do it alone:

"Tell others the positive, and tell God the negative"

Praise others, point out their positive aspects, and love them.  And then take your concerns to God.  If they are truly important, He will help those you love improve themselves.  Don't stress about fixing people, and if you do have concerns that shouldn't be immediately discussed, save them for prayer.  Then you'll have so much more time and energy to better love others.

*sigh* I love how complicated I can make life, when the answers are really so very simple.

The metaphor seems clear to me.  What about you?

a little more on love

My mom sent me a link to this blog today that shared some lovely thoughts on loving others.  I could repeat the words, but I think I'll just send you to the original, because it's beautiful.

Love is the grand motive.  I hope I can come closer every day to making it my motive.

"Love is what inspired our Heavenly Father to create our spirits; it is what led our Savior to the Garden of Gethsemane to make Himself a ransom for our sins. Love is the grand motive of the plan of salvation; it is the source of happiness, the ever-renewing spring of healing, the precious fountain of hope.” 
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorft, April 2010 "You are My Hands" 

Blessed

Lately I've had a boatload of opportunities to show the people around me that I love them, and to know that they need me.  Sometimes I complain about it, because sometimes it's hard to be everyone's rock.  But when it really comes down to it, I'm grateful for opportunities to know that I matter to others.  Because this is what love is about--this is what LIFE is about!  This is family.  And family is joy.

Vulnerability

Now that I'm out of school for the first time since August, I've been doing some cleaning out and catching up.  One of the things I came across that I wanted to document was my notes from Brene Brown's talk on The Power of Vulnerability.  Here are some of my favorite quotes and concepts:


First off, connection is why we're here-it gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

And it follows: it takes courage to be imperfect.

We must have have the courage to have compassion with ourselves first, and then with others, because as it turns out we can't practice compassion with other people unless we can treat ourselves kindly.

Here's a huge, mind-blowing, and completely true asserting: Connection is the result of authenticity.

If we fully embrace vulnerability, what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful.

How to be vulnerable:
Have the willingness to say I love you first, do something when there are no assurances, and invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

You cannot selectively numb! [...but really]

Love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee.

We need to practice gratitude and joy, especially in those moments of terror when we're wondering 'can I love you this much?', 'can I believe in this this passionately?', 'can I be this fierce about this?', to just stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen say: I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.

Believe that we're enough. When we stop screaming and we start listening, we are able to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others.

Love with Abandon

Someday I want to love someone so much that when they come home, I won't care who sees me run to him and jump in his arms.

Life is too short to be so guarded.