Thursday Thankfuls

Today I want to reflect on how much I have to be grateful for.

In today's economy, and as a psychology graduate, I have a job.  That is a blessing all by itself.  But to have a job that is challenging, a job I truly enjoy, and to be working for a great company with fantastic people and excellent benefits (not to mention all the food one can imagine)- that is a downright miracle.

I live in a pleasant apartment with women who both love me and give me the opportunity to love them.  My friends, family, and other acquaintances routinely provide me with opportunities to practice giving and receiving love.

I am healthy.  I have time, means, and willpower to eat well and exercise in ways that I find enjoyable!  Tonight I get to head to Peaks Ice Arena to try out my graduation present: brand new figure skates. (I might be a tad excited...)

And more than anything, I am happy.  For the past 4 months, I have figured out how to feel what I need to feel in order to regulate my emotions.  I often have days where I come home and hum and whistle as I clean the kitchen before heading onto my nightly activities.  It really doesn't matter all that much what I'm doing- because I've figured out how to choose peace and happiness.

I'm grateful to be alive, and I'm eternally grateful for knowledge of an Eternal Plan that brings me purpose, peace, and joy.

Trusting the Boss

I trust God.

I don't say this because I want to trust him, or because others have told me that I should.  I say this because I know that he is my father, that he has a direct and very specific plan for my life, and that his hands intervene in the precise way I need whenever I am humble enough to allow it.

How do I know this?  Because when I look back on my life with faith and with a sincere desire to understand, I can see very clearly how each and every event that didn't make sense at the time now fits perfectly into molding process designed by my Heavenly Father.  I can see how moving to a new town in high school helped me develop the true friends I needed to uncover the pain I had buried, how the school I've attended has given me the strength to build my own example and testimony despite other issues, how roommates I struggled with taught me about collusion and led me to meet someone very important, and even how people I've dated and loved have helped me learn about forgiveness, safety, and healing.  I have seen how challenges have helped me open my heart to see the pain of others, and to find the joy and opportunity in serving and loving another one of his precious children. Every pain, heartache, and trial has ministered to my understanding and has helped create who I am today.  I am still far from perfect, but I have only been able to come this far because my Heavenly Father has sent me people, experiences, and opportunities I needed, trusting that I would do my very best with them.  And through this process, I have been healed, strengthened, and refined.

I am so grateful that he knows that he is doing.  I know him, I love him, and I trust him- because I know that his ultimate goal is the eternal joy of his children.

Grateful

I've been struggling with complaining and feeling a bit grumpy lately- and our router breaking last night didn't help.  But when it comes down to it, I have so much more to be grateful for than not in my life right now (and always).  So here's a bit of gratitude word-vomit.

new routers * working cars * temple visits with old roommates * moments of enveloping peace * epic ice skating fails * delicious food * winning random contests * feeling strong and healthy * rocking pruebas * Pinterest with all the roommates * beautiful, inspiring, though-provoking words * hope for climbing mountains * reminders of funny stories * international cinema * hilarious engineer jokes * warm blankets * chocolate * fresh spinach * wool socks * learning to be honest about my family * Russian figure skating hair * important conversations * reminders that you are loved * awe-inspiring stars * a bed so warm I don't want to get up * Orson Scott Card and my revival of fantasy * opera * women I love and respect * skyping with my nephew * hope for things to come * magic * honesty about everything * peace * learning to love strangers * sock buns * purple nail polish * C.S. Lewis * scriptures * ample time to journal *

I have so much to be grateful for.  

Today, I am most grateful that I finally feel like I'm LIVING.

So Blessed

So many wonderful, hopeful things in my life right now.  I'm actually sitting on a fairly lengthy post, but in the meantime I'd just like to share some of that happy things that are making it easy to be grateful!

• Successfully navigated my first career fair last week!  I almost peed my pants with fear beforehand, but with some wise words of comfort and counsel I was just fine.
• I love gospel discussions, and this morning I had a great one with my roommate Jameyson.  Seriously, though.  Few things are more incredible than being able to be open and honest (and learn!) about important things with those closest to you.
• Had my first job interview today, and it went really well!  It's just one step along the way, but it feels good to be taking steps forward.
• Went to Winco (in professional attire) and shopped like a boss!  Sometimes pretending to be an adult is really fun. :-)
• Came home to find another interview opp. waiting for me on my email!
• I had an epiphany driving home (driving my wonderful boyfriend's car, I might add, because he's the best and doesn't always let me get away with being stubborn).  PROVO IS BEAUTIFUL.  We live in a gorgeous place.  The mountains are incredible.  We are so lucky.  I never thought I'd really say this, but I love it here.
• Delicious guacamole and peach mango salsa. I might die.

the little things

Sometimes the simplest things make me happy.  Actually, it's almost always the simplest things.  And that's just the way it was intended.

"Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.  And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise bringeth about the salvation of many souls." Alma 37:6-7

And today, it was those simple things.

inspired church meetings of teaching and peace
those few warm hours before the snow hit
a beautiful world covered in white
grateful words
fun and successful cooking endeavors
roommates I love and feel comfortable around
crater cupcakes
visiting teachers that I actually like!
the vicarious joy of a distant friend who found love
learning to dream
hope for the future

Tomorrow, I hope I can remember to appreciate the little things.

Because even though I didn't get to stay up all night and watch movies, I'm grateful that I can laugh about it with those I love.

Beyond Happy

I just wanted to take a moment to record how incredibly happy and blessed I feel at this moment.  I have an intense sense of awe and wonder in my life right now, and a large part of me wonders how I could possibly deserve it.  I am so blessed to have wonderful close friends who fill me with love and joy.  They treat me with such love and kindness that I can't contain my gratitude.  I wish I could show my thanks in more than words...and yet I feel so inadequate.  So sometimes, I just stand and smile, hoping that somehow that my smile can convey the gratitude I feel for their happiness, joy, care, and  awesomeness.

Thank goodness.

Day 22: final

You know what I've loved about doing this string of Thankfuls? I've realized that I have so much to be grateful for, so many times on a daily basis that I see the hand of God in my life.

Times like yesterday, when I wasn't feeling well but friend was so kind and gentle. Or last night, when I was able to have a really good discussion with his mom about all sorts of important things. Or a few weeks ago, when my good friend called just when I needed it. And every quiet moment when I actually learn to breathe and relax.

Some of the times I am most grateful for are moments of inspiration. I've been feeling those a lot lately. Recently, I've been increasingly blessed to start developing a good understanding of what I want my marriage and future family to look like. I'm so grateful that I'm learning now that I want a partner who loves and respects all that I am- but who doesn't need to be just like me. In fact, because I am so passionate about so many things, in order to be my best self I need someone who helps me feel grounded in reality at times.

As quirky and strange as they are (myself included), I'm grateful for my family. We each have our challenges, but I wouldn't be who I am today without each one of them. I want to be with them forever, and I love them deeply- which is why they cause me such joy and such pain. We are placed in our families for a specific reason- and I learn so much from mine.

I am just so very grateful to be alive. It is truly a great gift we have been given that we get to experience life every day. To wake and breathe and walk and communicate and work and laugh and love. To struggle. To soar. To be challenged, and to fail. And finally to succeed. To feel both pain and the tenderness of touch.

It is all to easy to take life for granted, and I hope I never truly do.

Oh yeah- I'm also exceptionally grateful for turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and PIE!!!

Day 21

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints recently announced a new curriculum for teaching the youth, and I am so excited about it!  It's called "Come, Follow Me".  I am grateful for inspired leaders who are in touch with the needs of each generation.

One lesson I found particularly astute for this time is called "How do the roles of men and women complement each other in families?"  Part of this lesson includes this video:

I hope we can all find partners in our lives who give us wings to fly and opportunities to act on our divine impulses to do good.

Catchup- through Day 20

I slack, this I know.  So here's some (very grateful) catchup:

17: Health
On Saturday, I ran my first ever race.  It was only a 5K, but after injuring my knees while prepping for a half marathon earlier this year, I was so grateful to have healthy, strong legs that allowed me to finish.

18: Friends
I seriously have some of the most incredible friends.  I love talking to them and I am so grateful for all they do for me.  I just love being able to call up/come home to so many lovely, authentic people.

19: Dentists
I write this one a bit begrudgingly, but it's true.  I was cursed with awful genes for teeth, and if it weren't for modern technology most of  my mouth probably would have fallen out by now.  I may have a nervous breakdown every time I go to the dentist, but at least I have a mouthful of teeth!

20: Road Trips!
Sadek, Laura and I are driving down to Arizona today, and I'm excited! It may be a grueling 11 hour drive, but at least I get to make it with people I love, music I enjoy, and snacks!  Let the Thanksgiving-ness begin!

Day 16: Education

Sometimes in the midst of stress and school, I have to remind myself to sit back and remember how blessed I am to have the opportunity to be here at all.

I'm finishing up my 4th year at Brigham University, and it's been an incredible journey.  Yesterday in the car I all of the sudden realized that this is my last real semester.  This is the end of a huge experience- one that will never happen again in quite the same way.

I'm grateful for all that I've learned, the opportunities I've had for research, networking, mind-blowing ideas, and preparation for my future.  That I have the capacity and resources to come here, do well, and be prepared enough that I know I can succeed in the future.  And, because of generous offerings from members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and BYU alumni, I've had most of my education paid for.

After this year, I plan to save money like crazy for graduate school.  Then, if Heavenly Father's plans align with mine (yeah, I know, probably not likely), I'll be off to a master's program in 2014.

Life is all about opportunities: those you are blessed to have, and those you work hard to create for yourself.  I'm grateful for both.

15

Sillyness.

Tickling. Wrestle fights. Being a grumpy little kid. Quiet time. Raspberries. Butterfly kisses. Pure, innocent ways to laugh, giggle, and find joy.

Day 14: Pie and Potential

FREE PIE! at Village Inn.  Hot chocolate and pie. :-)

Also, I'm grateful for the opportunity to see glimpses of people's incredible potential.

Day 12: slacking

I'm a slacker and I didn't get this up yesterday.

So I'm going to discuss how grateful I am to have a busy life.  I'm so blessed to have the opportunity to attend a great school, have a fun and rewarding job, great roommates, a car to take me to places where I can buy shoes (yes, I know, finally!), a loving boyfriend, delicious food....and just all around wonderful ways to spend my time.  I'm glad that I have reasons to slack, and things to do that are better than spending all day online.  :-)

Day 11

As cliche as this sounds, I'm grateful for Thanksgiving. It's so awesome that we have a time of year dedicated to giving thanks. Whatever else our nation can or can't agree on, we can agree that we have a lot to be grateful for.

Day 10

Saturday was one of the most wonderful days I've had in a long time.  I woke up from a dream that brought some closure, got some things done for work and school, bonded with my roommates, watched a movie with my boyfriend and another couple (yay for socializing!), made an awesome snowman named Clyde (with lots of help), gallivanted in the snow and made snow angels, and finished off the evening with lost, tea, cuddling, and some more roommate bonding.

Today had wonderful parts as well- a good haircut, tromping through snow, realizing how great it is that I have the means to buy the clothing I need (if not the decision-making power), and quiet time with my man.

The gratitude I feel today is for the whole circle of feelings- ups and downs and "meh" points in-between.  For the understanding I have that even when my headaches don't go away, every night is plagued with nightmares, and I'm just plain exhausted...life is still worth living.  Sometimes it can be one look, one kiss, or just the quiet determination I feel at the end of the day.  But it's there.  And it's real.

I'm grateful for a knowledge that, even while I'm still figuring it out, I have a place in this world.  One that only I can fill perfectly, and only I will truly appreciate.  And I'm grateful that that's enough.

Day 9

I'm so grateful that regardless of what goes on in the world in general, I can build a fortress of goodness, fun, love, discipline, values and compassion in my own home.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that the majority of social organizations in this world were created to deal with the effects of broken and dysfunctional homes.  It would seem, then, that the greatest good we can do for society is to create and maintain a solid home foundation.

It's taken me a long time for my social activist mind to figure this out, but I'm glad I'm finally starting to get it.

What my home will look like:

A refuge of comfort and security, where you know you are loved and accepted.

An environment where hard work is taught and expected, with the understanding that anything can be accomplished if one is willing to work for it.

Pictures and decorations of things that are the most important adorning the walls.

Cozy nooks for cuddling and couches for lounging, because relaxing is an important part of a balanced life.

A collection of books and movies that teach good principles and values.

Ways to have good, clean fun: a basketball hoop, board games, classic non-violent video games, bookshelves, Foosball, baseball gloves,  music, coloring books, chalk, bubbles, crafts supplies, etc.

An attitude of gratitude that is communicated through constant service both in and outside of the home.

TONS of delicious (and yet secretly fairly healthy) food!

A place where expectations are clear, communication is two-way, and everyone feels just challenged enough that it helps them work hard to become better.

A stark absence of anger, contention, and harsh words.

Tickle fights and wrestling

Honesty

Abundant words of authentic praise

Gentle guidance

Honest discussions about serious things 

A rhetoric of value-laden words with which to talk about life's experiences

A place where truth is taught and lived

Teaching by example.

Day 8: Nicole

After almost 2 hours on the phone with her today, I remembered that there are some things only sisters can share and understand. I love her dearly, and I am so grateful that we have one another.

Day 7: Temples

I am so grateful that we have a place on this earth to block out the unimportant things and remember who we are in the divine scheme of things.

Mesa, Arizona temple.
Where my parents were married, and Sadek and I visited this spring.

The temple I grew up attending, literally set on a hill.
Oakland, California

When driving in Washington D.C. as a little girl, we turned a corner and I saw this temple...
and if I had my choice, I would get married here.

The breathtaking Celestial room in the Brigham City, Utah temple.
I had the very special opportunity to go to the open house earlier this semester.

Provo, Utah.
Maybe not the most magnificent temple, but the one I've attended almost every week for the past  3 1/2 years.

Day 5 & 6

Democracy and Agency.

There is a very good reason God let 1/3 of his children choose a different plan- it's because of how incredibly much He values agency. We may not always make the best choices, but our ability to choose in the first place is the most important part of, I would argue, our existence. Without choices there would be no true feeling, no learning, no accountability, no progression, no goodness. If we didn't have the ability to choose wrong, there would be no virtue in choosing right.

I am grateful for a government system that, despite its flaws, seeks to honor individual agency. The democratic system often makes life more difficult and messy, but it does so in preservation of our precious gift of agency. And so, as a country, we are able to make choices and be collectively accountable for the consequences. It is in this way that we learn, grow, and mature. Our system isn't perfect, but it does pretty well for the mass of imperfect beings who participate in it. I am grateful that I have the right and privilege of voting.

I am grateful that I have the agency to make mistakes, and agency to choose to follow principles of I can personally develop testimony.

Day 4: Fruit Snacks

Yes, I have a whole day dedicated to fruit snacks. Not the healthiest snack, but not the worst either. Fruit snacks have brought me so much joy at many needed moments. I've shared them with others (including unwittingly to a random testing center stranger), and I fully plan to share them with my children. I love fruit snacks!