tuesday: some joy

Still not really getting into the big posts I have planned...but in the meantime, I have some happiness to share.

First of all, I got my first job offer!  Big whoop.  And free cereal!

Second, I'm learning and growing so much.  I mess up occasionally  and I am becoming so grateful for the promise that if we ask Father to show us our weaknesses, he will show them to us and help turn them into strengths.  I never realized how awesome that promise was until now.  If there's an area that's not going right, I can ask Him to help me identify what it is, and also how to fix it.  Like how I've realized lately that I'm not that great of a listener- at least not as good as I'd like to be.  And, after praying for help, I've quickly been given more opportunities to practice and improve.  Steady progress upward is difficult, but it's also possible. AND it's important to remember that we don't need to be perfect now, and we don't have to (and can't) do it alone.  All we need to do is take one step forward every day.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I love where I live.  I love living with people who help me be better, give me opportunities to serve, and who shower me with love.  There is so much peace in coming home to a safe place.

I'm improving in my Spanish class!  Woo Hoo!

Epiphany: Living after the manner of happiness doesn't mean that you'll always be happy.  It just means you're giving happiness the best shot.

Massive wonderful realization from Celeste's blog: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints isn't perfect, but the gospel is.  There are many problems with specific people and the way mortals carry out their responsibilities.  But you know what? That's sort of the way it's supposed to be.  The Church isn't run by perfect people who do everything perfectly- as Celeste put it, that would be Satan's plan.  The idea on earth is to all muddle together and try to do the best we can living the gospel.  Our testimony should be based off the gospel and the living reality of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, not how we were treated by people who are on their own spiritual journey just as we are.

I had an incredibly emotional moment today when I stumbled across the Voices of Hope project.  The website isn't officially launched yet, but their first video is.  It's an incredible project, and one of my friends was the first to share his story.  His name is Blake, and I really respect him for his courage and kindness.  See him share part of his story here.

And finally- sometimes it's okay just to be.  It's okay to not to freak out about moving forward and over-analyzing everything.  Sometimes you just have to live for a while.  It's important to have days where you're not thinking about what everything means, and afterward you can look back and think, "Wow, today was nice.  Yeah, there are things that didn't go perfectly.  Yeah, I made mistakes.  But overall I did my best, worked hard, loved those around me, and laughed."  Sometimes I think we look for too much in life- for dramatic romantic-comedy moments, action-filled car chases, and grand intellectual epiphanies.  But really, life is meant for us to work hard, love others, laugh some, cry some, and make the world a little better for our being in it.  Little steps every day.  That's manageable, right?

After all "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass".

So Blessed

So many wonderful, hopeful things in my life right now.  I'm actually sitting on a fairly lengthy post, but in the meantime I'd just like to share some of that happy things that are making it easy to be grateful!

• Successfully navigated my first career fair last week!  I almost peed my pants with fear beforehand, but with some wise words of comfort and counsel I was just fine.
• I love gospel discussions, and this morning I had a great one with my roommate Jameyson.  Seriously, though.  Few things are more incredible than being able to be open and honest (and learn!) about important things with those closest to you.
• Had my first job interview today, and it went really well!  It's just one step along the way, but it feels good to be taking steps forward.
• Went to Winco (in professional attire) and shopped like a boss!  Sometimes pretending to be an adult is really fun. :-)
• Came home to find another interview opp. waiting for me on my email!
• I had an epiphany driving home (driving my wonderful boyfriend's car, I might add, because he's the best and doesn't always let me get away with being stubborn).  PROVO IS BEAUTIFUL.  We live in a gorgeous place.  The mountains are incredible.  We are so lucky.  I never thought I'd really say this, but I love it here.
• Delicious guacamole and peach mango salsa. I might die.

Monday thought

True Doctrine, Understood

There is an often quoted statement by Elder Boyd K. Packer that, particularly in my field of study, has provoked conversation. 

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.  The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."

Studying in the behavioral sciences, this is often a source of contention and debate.  If studying behavior doesn't help, then why do we do it?  Should all psychologists and sociologists and anthropologists just quite and teach the gospel instead?  It's a little bit demoralizing sometimes.

Or at least it was, until one of my blessed 111 students today shared the rest of the quote with me.  (It's from Elder Packer's October 1986 General Conference talk, entitled "Little Children"

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.

The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."

When I read this, it was as though dozens of the feelings I've been having and things I've come to understand all of the sudden clicked together.  Studying behavior is good, it is helpful, and it is necessary.  But we need to be wary of preoccupation with problematic behaviors without constantly remembering the solutions to the problems- which are always eternal solutions.

Let me give an example.  For a long time, my favorite show was Criminal Minds.  It's a very, very dark show.  Nevertheless, often I would get off of work at 1am and then eagerly watch as twisted criminals were understood and investigated.  I dreamed of understanding the way their minds worked, and then of finding ways to "fix" them.  But the problem was this: I was only focusing on the problem, not the solution.  The only way to truly help men and women this scarred would be to treat them as the divine sons and daughters of God that they are- to teach them true principles and expect them to live up to them.

And so it is with many social ills- abortion, poverty, violence, etc.  As we become preoccupied talking about school shootings and horrific abuse and gang violence and homelessness, we unwittingly support its increase.  Alternatively, as we teach true doctrine, help others understand true principles, and become examples of truth and light in our own lives, these ills will slowly fade.

Now, to be clear, I'm not saying that we should ignore wrongdoings that occur in our world.  Absolutely not.  They should be taken care of by the proper authority.  Children should be warned, cautiously, about the dangers of the world they live in.  We have to be practical.  But we don't have to live in fear.  Doing so only results in more reasons to fear.

I'm coming to understand that the answers to most soul-wrenching questions aren't as difficult as they seem- although they can be difficult to implement.  The solutions aren't fiscally expensive, nor do they require many social groups to set in motion.  They are in fact, very simple, and all contained within one simple doctrine: Love one another.  The difficulty here lies not in the finding of the answer, but in the constant and steady changes made in the hearts of individual people.

Toward the end of his address, Elder Packer shared this truth:

"Secular doctrines have the advantage of convincing, tangible evidence. We seem to do better in gathering data on things that can be counted and measured.

Doctrines which originate in the light, on the other hand, are more often supported by intangible impressions upon the spirit. We are left for the most part to rely on faith."

 Which, I guess, brings me back to the theme of the year: Faith.  I've known for a while that focusing on the negative doesn't bring good.  Even in personal mistakes, the hurt caused by others, and everyday problems- the answer rarely, if ever, lies in focusing on the wrong.  Instead, peace and joy comes in recognizing the power of the Atonement to forgive, heal, and help us move on.  When I make a mistake, I feel bad, but only long enough to remember the beautiful gift of the Christ's sacrifice.  From that point on, I must put all my efforts into becoming better, aided by the grace granted to those who repent.  When I am hurt by others, at some point focusing on the pain only blocks my ability to be healed.  Much like the ancient Israelites, we are often too preoccupied by our pain to look to the source of healing- when the dramatic irony is that if we would but look, we would be healed.

This post has been a bit of a word vomit, and I apologize.  But it's also a synthesis of so many things I'm coming to learn.

When we sin, mess up, get hurt, or do or feel any of the silly human things that we do- Remember:

  Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.

Focus on the good- the hope, the truth, and the light.  When we do, it will come.

...if you build it, they will come. :-)

confession

sometimes i complain about school.  but it's not real, because school has never really scared me.

but getting a real job?  going to a career fair?  handing people my resume? TALKING to recruiters?

THAT scares me.

Yep.

Today I:

Woke up at 6am.

Studied.

Went to Dance Aerobics.

Took a quiz in Spanish class.

Walked through (and slipped on) all the snow.

Worked for an 2 hours.

Finished my homework.

And it's only NOON.

I think that an episode of The Office and a nap are in order..

On hoping for a Liahona

This morning in studying the Book of Mormon I came across a passage of scripture I've read dozens of times:

And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord spake unto my father by night, and commanded him that on the morrow he should take his journey into the wilderness.

And it came to pass that as my father arose in the morning, and went forth to the tent door, to his great astonishment he beheld upon the ground a round ball of curious workmanship; and it was of fine brass.  And within the ball were two spindles; and the one pointed the way whither we should go into the wilderness. 1 Nephi 16: 9-10 

For all the times I've read this, I never before made the connection between these two verses.  I recognize that this is my own interpretation, but here's what I realized:

The Liahona, the "ball of curious workmanship" that became so essential in leading Lehi's family to "the more fertile parts of the wilderness", only became available to Lehi after he had followed the divine counsel to begin their journey into the wilderness.

I'm fictionalizing a bit here, but this is sort of what I imagine it was like...

One night, as Lehi is preparing for bed, he receives a strong prompting that tomorrow the family needs to begin their journey.  As the night wears on, Lehi speaks with Sariah about it, and they make plans to prepare the family for the next day's journey.  They were likely uncertain where exactly they were going, but nonetheless knew that they needed to go.

The next morning, after Lehi and Sariah likely had to fight off many doubts and fears, they are blessed with a divine instrument that shows them each day where to go.  It is so clearly a direct reward for their faith and immediate action.  But even the Liahona works "after the manner of their faith".  The scriptures imply that they would wake up in the morning and look to see which way the arrow was pointing- never really knowing from one day to the next where they were to go.

Bottom line: We are blessed for acting on faith.  When Lehi chose to follow the Lord's counsel to journey into the wilderness, he had no idea that he would be blessed with the Liahona.  Often, we want to know everything about a decision before making it- we strive to be logical, rational creates.  But the truth is, often Father has incredible blessings in store that we can't even imagine, and we won't ever know about until we act and move forward in faith.  Think about how much easier it would have been for Lehi if he had known about the Liahona- "Oh, I'm going to have a magic compass to tell us where we should travel?  That sounds great!  Lets go!".  Or, more practically in modern times...imagine how much more willing we would be to act on faith if we knew the blessings associated with it... "Oh, going to this grad school will enable me to provide for my family and have more missionary opportunities?  Of course I'll go!" or "Picking up and moving in the middle of high school will enable me to meet my best friend?  That sounds great!"  or  "If I make time to have that hard discussion with _____, it will help them get back on the right path?  Perfect!"

Moving forward in faith is hard.  It just is.  But sometimes we have to remember that it's not that specific choice we need to have faith in- it's our Heavenly Father.  We need to trust that He does in fact know what is best for us, and He he loves us perfectly.  And, because of both His perfect love and perfect knowledge, He knows the best blessings to give us.  But we have to want them enough to trust Him, listen, and act.