A Gratitude Experiment

I've learned a lot about gratitude lately,  most notably how to recognize and be grateful for the things that are really important.  Often, that comes in the form of recognizing the hand of God in my life.  True gratitude is born in the moments when I realize that those I surround myself with are really excellent people who love me deeply- whether that be friends, family, strangers, or deity.  It's never really things that provide the joy that leads to gratitude (or vice versa), but what those things mean or symbolize because of their connection with people.

So, for the next twenty-two days, I'm going to pay more attention to these meaningful experiences in my life, articulating and documenting how they have touched and changed my life.

Day 1:
Today I want to express my gratitude for scriptures that contain the Word of God.  I am so grateful for the Old and New Testaments, Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price, and Doctrine and Covenants.  I've struggled with consistent scripture study off and on in my life, but I've noticed that I feel the most grounded, blessed, and loving when I make daily study in the holy scriptures a priority.  I know that in these sacred texts I can and do find eternal truths that help guide and direct me in my life.  Through the scriptures, I am reminded that I am eternally loved by my Heavenly Father (see John 15: 9-15).  I learn that service is the greatest sign of love, and that the best leaders teach through example (see Mosiah 2:12-18).  When I am out of sorts, I can remember through the scriptures that love, kindness, meekness, forgiveness, and childlike qualities are the basis of goodness- not anger, resentment, bitterness or harsh words (see Luke 6:31-35 and Mosiah 3:19).  The scriptures provide stories of great women and men whose examples I can emulate (Abish, Moroni, Jacob, Mary, Emma, Moses).  And most importantly, they teach of the merciful, just, and infinite Atonement of our Savior, through which we are forgiven, healed, and perfected (see Atonement).

Glimpses into the scriptures remind me that life is about more than our school, job, athletic achievements, and even intelligence.  Life is about learning, growing, and enduring challenges well.  Some of the most stalwart disciples and incredible people in this life have not accomplished much by the world's standards, but they have grown into the type of person a Heavenly Father can be proud of.  The scriptures tell the stories of these people.

I am grateful for the hundreds of generations of work and sacrifice that have gone into the writing, preservation, and translation of the scriptures I can now access through tangible books, on my computer and phone, and through various languages and printings (like the Arabic and 1860 versions on my bookshelf at home).  It is such a blessing that I can study these pages at will, and that I can be blessed by their divine spirit and content daily.

Wisdom I learn from my students:

"Prepare and prevent is better than repair and repent."

Today's smiles

I'm grateful for many things today.  Here's just a few:

-Running. Yesterday at physical therapy I was able to run a mile (PAIN FREE!) for the first time in over 4 months.
-Music.  Pandora has made the world of paper-grading so much more enjoyable.
-Students who care.  In grading papers, I can tell how much effort some of these students put into the paper, and I'm learning so much from them!  Also, I got the mid-semester evaluations back, and got to read some really nice comments. :-)  Nothing like some good positive feedback.
-Physical health.  Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to be healthy, and to know enough about health to take care of others.
-Skills. No, but really.  I'm grateful I've had the opportunity in my life to learn basic skills like reading, writing, cooking, cleaning, etc. that allow me to be a competent individual in this world.  I love being able to contribute to the Kingdom.
-Snow.  Yes, it's freezing.  But there's something beautiful about getting to get all snuggly in sweaters, scarves, and boots.  Plus, now I have a legitimate excuse to go get caramel apple cider!
-People.  When I take a few moments to look at the people around me, really look, I can see their goodness, and how they try to share it with the world.  I love being surrounded, as C. S. Lewis puts it, by potential gods and goddesses. It truly is no small thing.

Smile a little today.  We live in a beautiful world with fantastic challenges and opportunities.

crazy whirlwind weekend

one hour drive - flight - three hour drive - high school football game - meeting little brother's friends - phone call - sleep - wedding wedding wedding - laughter - hugs - hiding - i love you - one hour drive - delicious soup - conversations with parents - basket weaving - phone call - sleep - church - deep thoughts - nap - drive two hours - family - giants game - nephew - sister - emotionally draining - laughter - competition - hugs - spaghetti - drive two hours - phone call - brother's bed - sleep - fire - serious talk - three hour drive - flight - short deep conversation - one hour drive - new taylor swift album - hugs - kisses - real relaxation - playing - grocery shopping - sweet note -  made bed - roommate moments - sleeping stationary spiders - teasing - tired - roommate bonding - realization - sleep

The Master Healer

Note: This post is highly personal. All are welcome to read it, I would just add a respectful reminder that I do not talk about my beliefs to preach or indoctrinate others, but rather to share some of what is most sacred to my heart.

"Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

In Sunday School today we were discussing Christ's visit to the Americas in 3 Nephi. The teacher invited us to ponder on what we would do in that situation. It's a soul searching question.

In chapter 17, He heals all of the people, those that were afflicted in any manner. I know many that are hurting, that are wounded. Some of the pain is physical, but the more pervasive wounds that I know of are the emotional, mental, and spiritual ones. This is that pain that aches deep inside, the kind that we don't know a way out of.

There are a number of people in my life right now who are experiencing all sorts of pain. My heart aches for them. Possibly because I understand to some degree what it means to hurt. Or in part because I see a small part of their suffering, and know that there is so much more I can't see. I want to heal their wounds, to make them whole...but I can't. Not truly.

Which is how I know that, were the Savior to come to my home, my greatest desire would be to take him to those that are hurting, to have him administer to their needs in ways that I never could. I would want him to make them whole.

The Savior isn't physically here today, but that doesn't mean he isn't with us. Over the past year I have learned firsthand how deeply He cares for me, and how many of my wounds he can heal through faith and prayer. It isn't the same as having him physically with me, but it's also not as if he has abandoned me. It takes more faith, more patience, and more trust- but all of that is part of the experience of mortality. We are here to learn, but we are not here because we are intended to hurt forever. There is a way for us to have healing. There is a way to experience joy, love, and continual hope. He is the way.

And I am so, so grateful for it.

Missing

There is a wonderful sense of wholeness in missing.

A bittersweet moment when you realize that you can't go a day without the sound of someone's voice- and the truth you knew all along: their voice will only make you miss being in their presence.

Missing is beautiful, because missing holds within it the promise of being whole again.

mid-week mind-shift

I have to admit, this week it's been hard to focus on the positive.  After a weekend of over a dozen hours of listening to Moby Dick, I faced a week of 3 papers to write, 2 midterms to take, and an entire class of papers to grade.  That, coupled with the fact that I'm flying home on Friday to spend the weekend in a whirlwind of wedding and family events- and thus no weekend time to catch up on school and work.

And when I get overwhelmed, the most important things drop out and I can't seem to do anything but find (and create) negative thoughts.  It's a terrible cycle.

So this morning, in the midst of a head full of negative thoughts and attitudes, I decided I'd better at least make an effort to "act, and not be acted upon" [See 2 Nephi 2:26].  On my way to class, I pulled out my phone and started reading where I'd left off in the Gospel of Mark.  I wasn't reading with the best intent, but I was at least making an effort.  

When I arrived at class, I soon found out that class was cancelled.  Initially, I was upset at my professor for not informing us ahead of time, but then checked myself and realized I was very grateful for the opportunity to spend that extra hour writing my paper.  So I packed up my bag and headed home.

On the walk home, I passed a lot of people.  One young man had a wonderful, sincere smile on his face.  I gave him a funny sort of look, to which he continued to return a smile.  Finally I smiled in return, and his face softened a bit, as if to say, "I know you're feeling down, so I want to show you some kindness".  It was such a little thing, but it softened my heart.

A few minutes later, my dear friend Hannah called me to say hi for just a few minutes.  She reminded me that I am loved, cared for, and thought about.  It was a lovely surprise and blessing.

And so, with all of these reminders and blessings, I want to conclude with a greater determination to notice the small and simple goodness in our lives every day.  Because, as Elder Carl B. Cook reminded us last October, "It's better to look up".

Today, I am grateful for:

-Brisk fall weather that leaves the trees an array of brilliant colors and the sky full of clouds

-Cancelled class that gives me more time to count my blessings and finish my homework

-Sweet roommates with cool ideas and gentle, kind words

-A call from Hannah to remind me that I am remembered

-The opportunity to go home and share important events with friends and family

-The technology that allows me to do research, both secular and spiritual, from virtually anywhere

-Music to calm my spirit and my nerves

-A gospel perspective that provides hope, truth, and light even (and especially) in the darkest of times