Impatient

"Take a breath and take your time."

I'm not a very patient person.  I get frustrated when things don't go as quickly as I want them to, or in the right direction right away.  So many things have come easily in my life that persistence is one of the traits I still very much lack.  I don't seem to have the innate ability to slow down and be okay with quiet and simple changes.  In times like this, what I need most is the faith to be patient.  It's not that this is too heavy, it's that I have to carry it for too long.  

Tonight I fought quiet and calm for hours.  I stayed on campus as long as possible, and when I was finally able to drag myself home I quickly jumped into several hours of cleaning.  If I hadn't promised to be safer, tonight would be an ideal night for a run.  

Remember

In my moments of weakness, despair, worry and anxiety, the worst part is that I can't remember how it feels to be right before God.  Today I want to give myself something to remember.  Today everything is beautiful- the mountains, my relationships, the salad I'm eating for lunch, the warmth of my sweatshirt, the colors of the leaves...and while I don't have all the answers, I am at peace.  I know that I am on the right path, with an upward trajectory.  I am learning more every day, and becoming more confident in what I need to be doing.  And I have some answers.  It is those that I will strive to remember as days get dark and hope seems scarce.

I had an experience this morning that reminded me how worth it adversity is in our lives.  This past year I had to go through copious amounts of paperwork to prove my parent's income and taxes, etc. It was quite stressful, and I was concerned all the while that BYU would end up taking away my financial aid anyway.  Then, this morning, I received a message that the result of the audit was an increase in my federal financial aid.  Sometimes when we have to do hard things, it's because God wants to give us something better.  Most of the time, actually.

From theory to application

less talking, more doing

(thank you, Home Depot commercials)

Sheesh.

My biggest pet peeve about this time of year is how in a rush everyone is to get presents that they skip over the ONLY holiday dedicated to being grateful.

Courage, Determination, Committment

God has promised us the right to receive personal revelation.  He has, in fact, commanded us to do so.  
And right now, that's the major thing I'm focusing on.  Thanks to my lovely roommate Celeste, I read a wonderful article this morning that reminded me of the importance of sticking with decisions and pushing forward.


Commitment is important, with ideas, actions, and especially people.  Just because our passionate determination wavers does not mean something is wrong- it simply means we need to remember what we once knew and try harder.


A few lines I specifically needed this morning:

The reminder is that we cannot sign on for a moment of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight--a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless.

If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now.

Revelation almost always comes in response to a question, usually an urgent questions--not always, but usually.  In that sense it does provide information, but it is urgently needed information, special information.  

You will need information, too, but in matters of great consequence it is not likely to come unless you want it urgently, faithfully, humbly.  Moroni calls it seeking "with real intent" (Moroni 10:4).  If you can seek that way, and stay in that mode, not much that the adversary can counter with will dissuade you from a righteous path.  You can hang on, whatever the assault and afflication, because you have paid the price to==figuratively, at least--see the face of God and live.

After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel his love and hear the word of the Lord, "go forward."  Don't fear, don't vacillate, don't quibble, don't whine.

Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation.  It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going.

Take home message:
1) Revelation comes when we recognize how desperately we need it, and when that desperate desire urges us to look to God.
2) Once we have received answers, we must act on them immediately and continuously, without waver or doubt.

what happened when I Googled a term for neuro...

1. Anti-Defamation League
2. Adults Defecating in Laundromats
3. Advanced Distributed Learning initiative
4. Adl; an Arabic word meaning justice
5. Animal Defense League
6. Arthur D. Little- Linking Strategy, technology, and innovation
7. Activities of Daily Living

etc...

Just in case you were thinking up acronyms for your booming new organization, club, or cult, ADL is already taken.  Like a hundred times over.

This post could also be titled: 

why Americans need to work on their creativity in regard to acronyms

OR

why English needs more than 26 letters

Perception

I loathe how much I care about other people's perception of me.  I hate that in making decisions for my future, I have to constantly fight against what I think others' perceptions of my choices will be.  And the funny thing is, I play into it.  I worry that others don't take my major seriously, that they don't believe that what I'm studying is important and valuable- and yet I constantly demean it myself.  And it's not just in my education that this is an issue.  I am acutely aware of how little the world thinks of mothers who stay home with their children, so while that is one of my greatest desires in life, I often feel that it's not enough- or at least that it won't be enough for others.

But here's the thing:

If it's enough for me, and more importantly, if it's enough for God, then why should it matter?