Life Lately

This really sums up how I feel about my life lately.  I'm been reflecting on where I am, where I was two years ago, and how much I've stressed about my choices in between.  I had no clue that I'd be here two years ago, but I couldn't be happier with the progress I've made and what my life looks like at the moment.  And I've realized that all the stress and anxiety I engage in about all the crazy life decisions...well, it is unnecessary.  Most of the things I've spent time stressing about have worked themselves out in miraculous ways- no thanks to my stress.  I've learned that the only thing that really matters in these decisions is that I stay true to myself and what I love.  The only regrets I have in the past two years are because I strayed from who I am in order to impress someone else.  If I constantly do what I love and am passionate about, I will love where my life leads me.  And oh, am I loving it!

In other news...

My first high school crush got married today.  WEIRD.

Red Crystal

My dreams are dripping with enough metaphors and symbolism to make even the most eccentric English teacher cringe.

I just want a night to myself.

Words.

There are a lot of people in my life who I wish knew exactly how much they mean to me.  I know I could, theoretically, just tell them that...but life doesn't really work that way.  We get to inch at these issues a little bit from either side, and then sometimes, some really lucky and shoot-scary times, we just say to heck with it and dive right in.  Those are rare, though.  Because sometimes they turn out awesome, but sometimes you crash and burn.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: 

The people in my life are awesome.  They all mean a whole lot more to me than I think they understand.  I wish there was a way to let them know that, but the nature of life is that we...well we just can't always do that.

Sometimes I get really down on myself for not being an incredible athlete like most of my family members.  Everyone has things that they are good at, and I have my strengths as well, they are just more academic than athletic.  And I'm okay with that.

the perfect ending.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but sometimes it's best to be quiet.

I didn't say a word.

I took the leap of faith.  I'm learning that sometimes it doesn't have to be perfect and planned.

We walked.  We talked.  I am humbled and amazed by the things that you exceed me in, and in wonderment that you presented this situation without degrading me.  You take me off guard by how blatantly honest you can be past your guarded exterior-it puts my fake blatancy to shame.  Tonight was exactly what I needed.  I have closure.  

Having the courage to put myself out there allows me to be less caught up in myself.  By letting go of my worries, I now have the time and capacity to be less selfish.  To care more.

Kelly, you would be so proud.

walk with me

don't judge me, 

don't laugh at me

just let him sleep

i take that back,

you can laugh at me

tease me

tickle me

just as long as you want to

i'm putting myself there

you don't know it

but it's hard

and scary

you noticed me

as i walked away

you cared

and then you didn't

did you want me?

to ask you to come

because i wanted to

i curse this timing

but loved the movie

did it remind you of us

as much as it did for me

is this all in my head

they say i spend too much time

in there

but i'd rather be walking with you

do you want to walk with me?