Today I had a bit of a mini-breakdown over the thing that scares me the most- being wrong. And not wrong in an argument, or wrong about an answer- nothing like that. I'm afraid of thinking about things wrong. Petrified that I will buy into a flawed way of thinking for so long that I don't even realize it's wrong. Worried of realizing that everyone has lied to me thus far, and that all I have accepted as truth isn't real. Or worse, that I think about things wrong and won't ever realize it. Sort of like my life is the Truman Show, and I'm the only one who is gullible enough to buy into it.
I am so blessed to have knowledge of deity that teaches of the Holy Ghost- that Heavenly Father will never leave us alone in our search for truth. So blessed that we are assured feelings of peace and comfort when we embrace correct principles and concepts. As difficult as it can sometimes seem to find truth, it is an overwhelming comfort to have the opportunity to hone the skill of recognizing personal revelation.
Sometimes my life feels like a massive game of Jenga- constantly trying to pull out of the bad blocks without knocking the rest of the tower down, allwhile finding good ones and replacing them. It's a tedious process, and often I wish I could just knock the whole thing down and start over. But I know that's not the way it works for me. One day the tower will be built, and it will be sturdy- it will just take a lot of hard work and patience.
Hard work, patience, and faith. Because we never know what it will feel like on the other side of the change- we just have to believe that it will be worth it. And so far, experience tells me that it will be. So I choose to take more steps into the dark, because I want to be better than I am. It's all about progression- and progression takes faith.
Even for all the ups and downs, I love being alive. I learn so much.
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