Thursday, April 28, 2011


There are a lot of people in my life who I wish knew exactly how much they mean to me.  I know I could, theoretically, just tell them that...but life doesn't really work that way.  We get to inch at these issues a little bit from either side, and then sometimes, some really lucky and shoot-scary times, we just say to heck with it and dive right in.  Those are rare, though.  Because sometimes they turn out awesome, but sometimes you crash and burn.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: 
The people in my life are awesome.  They all mean a whole lot more to me than I think they understand.  I wish there was a way to let them know that, but the nature of life is that we...well we just can't always do that.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Sometimes I get really down on myself for not being an incredible athlete like most of my family members.  Everyone has things that they are good at, and I have my strengths as well, they are just more academic than athletic.  And I'm okay with that.

Friday, April 22, 2011

the perfect ending.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but sometimes it's best to be quiet.
I didn't say a word.

I took the leap of faith.  I'm learning that sometimes it doesn't have to be perfect and planned.
We walked.  We talked.  I am humbled and amazed by the things that you exceed me in, and in wonderment that you presented this situation without degrading me.  You take me off guard by how blatantly honest you can be past your guarded exterior-it puts my fake blatancy to shame.  Tonight was exactly what I needed.  I have closure.  

Having the courage to put myself out there allows me to be less caught up in myself.  By letting go of my worries, I now have the time and capacity to be less selfish.  To care more.

Kelly, you would be so proud.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

walk with me

don't judge me, 
don't laugh at me
just let him sleep

i take that back,
you can laugh at me
tease me
tickle me
just as long as you want to

i'm putting myself there
you don't know it
but it's hard
and scary

you noticed me
as i walked away
you cared
and then you didn't

did you want me?
to ask you to come
because i wanted to

i curse this timing
but loved the movie
did it remind you of us
as much as it did for me

is this all in my head
they say i spend too much time
in there

but i'd rather be walking with you
do you want to walk with me?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

that thing you do.

"When was the last time you were decently kissed?  I mean truly, truly, good and kissed?"

clean and classy ▲ .

I don't want perfection.  I don't want clean.  Heck, I don't even want comfortable.
In this moment I'm yearning for something messy, scary, and utterly terrifying.
I'm willing to take my chances.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

pep talk

Last night kinda sucked.  I think I need to take a break from Criminal Minds for awhile.

Today was the last day of classes.  Now only loads of studying and finals.  I can do this.

But seriously, I had no idea I'd be so exhausted today.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Bring it, Finals.

My Dad, Stepmom, and bestest little brother are coming to visit in 7 days.  SO EXCITED!

Today, I felt so close to the Spirit in giving my lesson.  I felt like, for brief moments, I understood what God feels for his daughters, and what he wanted me to tell help them understand.

This weekend I have become so incredibly grateful for the blessing of good friends who uphold and support me, and have realized how important it is to have those in close proximity.  For the first time since coming to Provo, I am really going to miss it.

I stand ready to face the next two weeks, with God, friends, and family at my back (and chariots of fire playing in the background) and a renewed determination to be the best I can be.  Bring it on.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

It's okay to be alone.

Positive Parenting Tips

Each child is special and should be valued just as they are.

Use kind, clear ways to communicate.  Refrain from sarcasm or teasing.

Use kind names or labels when speaking to children.  Negative words hurt.

Help children learn to love who they are and follow their interests (not those of the parent).

Discipline with love and with natural and logical consequences.

Reward good behavior.

Talk positively about your children to others.

Focus on the negative behavior, not your child.

Listen to your child's opinions.

Choose age appropriate chores for children.

Be clear about your expectations for your child.

Keep your promises.

It's amazing how much a simple list like this can make me think.  

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Clothesline Project

For my sociology of gender class this semester, we were required to find an area of inequality and do something to remedy it.  My research emphasis was on emotional abuse.  For the project portion, I had the opportunity to volunteer at The Clothesline Project,  a traveling event to raise awareness about abuse.  The event features t-shirts where those whose lives have been affected by abuse can tell their story, hanging them up on clotheslines, metaphorically "hanging out the dirty laundry".  

It was an intensely emotional, inspirational, and reverent experience.
I even got to create my own shirt.

Many times throughout the day I found myself wishing my friend and family could be there to witness the lives that were touched, the stories shared, and the awe-inspiring sense of it all.  

It is my hope that by sharing this, you might be able to grasp a small sense of it.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

April begins

Nice fake wedding, Terri.  

Spring is finally here.  Three consecutive days of warmth, and I believe it's here to stay.
Outside, it is somewhere in between slightly cloudy and overcast, just warm enough to wear shorts and sandals.  Conference today was comforting and wonderful.
In between sessions: Ultimate Frisbee.  It was a good confidence booster.
A little productive schoolwork, some covert breaking and entering service later.
Maybe Tangled tonight.

Today wasn't beautiful because of any specific event, but because I've spent the day around people I feel comfortable with.  I'm a little worried I might jinx it...but today has been perfect.