Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Lessons from May,

especially today.

1. There are two things in life: opportunities and choices.  If something seems wrong, you always have control over at least one of those options, and that control is always enough to make a difference.
2. Doing work you enjoy turns it into play.  And there are enough good opportunities in the world today everyone should make the choice to play.
3. When ideas aren't coming and your brain seems to be stuck going in circles, get outside and get some exercise.  It always helps.

I've had the most fascinating work day today researching Mark Zuckerberg's development of Facebook.  It is one of the many things recently that have left me feeling invigorated and inspired.
A few others: new music, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, emails, the rain, meeting new people, and basketball.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dear Life,

I don't feel like I'm doing you right.  I'm not sure if there is a right way, but I'm becoming increasingly convinced there is a wrong one.  And that that's the one I've picked.  I'm screwing up life with my apathy.  I feel too much and nothing, simultaneously.  Everything is a paradox.  There is no escape from freedom.


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Electric Dusk

Tonight is sporadic
A mindful fanatic
who loves to get caught up inside of my mind.
All energy surges
the idea converges
Pacing and racing random bits on rewind.
My brain at it's peak
let my willingness speak.

Darkness creeps on 
the floodgates still open
Bottled up passion
all the thoughts left unspoken.
Hasty control over calculated plans
brimming with symbols for all that she stand.

The tighter the grip the looser the hold
before it's all there, the end is foretold.
Slipping and sliding; crash burn
to the end
Fatigue-means relentless excursions
they'll send
No map, no location
no end destination
Not lost, but no way to know
what's real, and what's just a show.
Privacy, a destructive illusion.
Get out of my head, it's the utmost intrusion.
No will, no choice, no way to fight
just give in, endure, succumb to the night.
Awake, and weep.
Mourn restless sleep.
Shake off the day's embodied husk.
Awaiting the next 
electric dusk

Sunday, May 8, 2011

non-paternal parent's 24 hour period.

This day is not an easy one for me.  It is confusing, guilt-ridden, and...complicated.  It is one in which it seems everyone else is out to remind me of what it is I so desperately want, but can't have.

I've tried hard to come to terms with this day.  And this is what it means to me:

Today, I honor the women in my life who have helped me become who I am.  I appreciate those who have helped me along my path, in finding it, sticking to it, and taking breaks along the way.  These women have come in many forms in my life: my close friends, who inspire me daily with the women they are becoming; the parents of my friends, who have taken me into their homes; my step-mom, who loves, accepts, and teaches me; teachers who have nurtured me; extended family who have opened their arms to me in confusing times; a sister who has become one of my very best friends; room mates and future room mates, who are there for me when life sucks at inconvenient moments; and all of those women who have touched and taught me by their simple anonymous examples of grace, sacrifice, and strength.  And my mother, for the good things she has brought into my life.

Today, I thank you all for being examples, and for giving me hope.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Life Lately

This really sums up how I feel about my life lately.  I'm been reflecting on where I am, where I was two years ago, and how much I've stressed about my choices in between.  I had no clue that I'd be here two years ago, but I couldn't be happier with the progress I've made and what my life looks like at the moment.  And I've realized that all the stress and anxiety I engage in about all the crazy life decisions...well, it is unnecessary.  Most of the things I've spent time stressing about have worked themselves out in miraculous ways- no thanks to my stress.  I've learned that the only thing that really matters in these decisions is that I stay true to myself and what I love.  The only regrets I have in the past two years are because I strayed from who I am in order to impress someone else.  If I constantly do what I love and am passionate about, I will love where my life leads me.  And oh, am I loving it!

In other news...

My first high school crush got married today.  WEIRD.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Red Crystal

My dreams are dripping with enough metaphors and symbolism to make even the most eccentric English teacher cringe.
I just want a night to myself.