Of Things That Matter Most

They are these: Family, knowing Heavenly Father loves you, believing Christ, working hard, taking care of yourself, and giving all the love you can.

"Give up yourself, and you will find your real self.  Lose your life and you will save it.  Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life.  Keep back nothing.  Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.  Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead.  Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay.  But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in."
~C.S. Lewis 

Sometimes life backfires, sometimes it's all you can do not to run far, far away until you can't run any more, collapsing in the anger and frustration that are just a way of holding back the tears and staying strong.  And it is at those times that I am able to reevaluate who I am, where I'm going, and just what it is my Father in Heaven needs from me.

Recently I've had the chance to really reevaluate my approach to the Atonement.  I've struggled with seeing it as a vague, abstract concept that I was somehow supposed to apply in my life.  I've tried, but felt inadquate as General Authorities describe their daily repentance process, as I feel I just try to do my best every day and fix mistakes as I go along.  But in the past few weeks, I've been exposed to a new way of thinking about things, and I FINALLY GET IT.  For me, the Atonement isn't about an intangible idea, it's about building my relationship with Christ.  Relationships require work, dedication, and the ability to take risks.  The Atonement is necessary because Christ knows that in order to build the kind of relationship that has depth and authenticity, we need to be able to take risks and fail big.  We need the ability to make constant adjustments in order to navigate a real relationship with our Savior.

This may not be the way that other people approach this very vital and important aspect of their lives, but for me, right now, it is making all the difference in the world.  I am so grateful for a God who loves and understands me well enough to know exactly what I need to grow in the right ways, at the right times.  He has so much faith in me, and I need to have faith in Him.

Last thing: My favorite poem for a long time was Invictus, by William Ernest Henley.  Today I came across Orson F. Whitney's (who was a member of the Quorum on the Twelve) response to the poem, reminding us that we are in fact NOT the captain of our souls, but rather Christ is, if we have enough perspective to let Him.  We don't have to do it on our own, in fact we aren't supposed to.  Thank Heaven for that.

The Soul's Captain

by Orson F. Whitney

Art thou in truth?
Then what of Him who bought thee with His blood?
Who plunged into devouring seas
And snatched thee from the flood,
Who bore for all our fallen race
What none but Him could bear-
That God who died that man might live
And endless glory share.

Of what avail thy vaunted strength
Apart from His vast might?
Pray that His light may pierce the gloom
That thou mayest see aright.

Men are as bubbles on the wave,
As leaves upon the tree,
Thou, captain of thy soul! Forsooth,
Who gave that place to thee?
Free will is thine-free agency,
To wield for right or wrong;
But thou must answer unto Him
To whom all souls belong.

Bend to the dust that ‘head unbowed, ‘
Small part of life’s great whole,
And see in Him and Him alone,
The captain of thy soul.