First.

I don't know if starting this blog is a good idea yet or not, so I haven't told anyone about it yet.  What I do know is that I am trying harder to be authentic, to get help when I need it, and that I really need an outlet right now.

In a lot of ways at present, my life is not the way I want it to be.  I've got this weird awkward tension with my roomates, and I'm thinking and saying mean things that I don't like.  I don't know how to fix it, but I am finally taking the initiative to do what is best and healthiest for me, not just for those around me.

At the same time, my life is changing in directions I never thought possible.  I'm making concrete plans this semester, and I'm doing things about it.   I'm making new friends, and leaning less on the emotional support of others.  I know emotional support is important, but I'm finding fulfillment in other ways.  I applied for a job yesterday that I really, REALLY want, and this weekend I will be auditioning for a play that I think I may have a decent shot at.  I'm trying to earn money for the road trip and car purchase of this upcoming summer, but also trying not to think too  far in advance.  I'm going on a date this Friday to see a play I wanted to see but wasn't going to because tickets are so expensive, and I'm stoked beyond belief.

Bottomline- I'm getting my life in order.  I'm taking the initiative to live my life the way that I want, to create the type of future that is solely mine.  I know that I'm making some mistakes in the process, and I might even hurt a few people, but this is something I need to do.  I need to do it for me.

And, strangely comforting as this thought is...I'm living my life in a way that if I fall in love, it might actually be a good thing.

Relationships change, people change, life changes.  The only thing that I can be sure of is that I have sole power over how I choose to move ahead.  And move ahead I shall.

....sometimes I think I enjoy writing on this blog because I like the way the keyboard feels under my hands, I like the fluidity of the typing motion, and how effortlessly I can create words that stem from the thought conglomoration of my mind.  All from simple keystrokes.

THAT is power.