Time for Honesty

Given that I'm writing a talk on honesty tonight, I thought I'd get some things off my chest- honestly.

I want to be CONSISTENT, dang it.  I hate having my feelings wrenched around my heart like the spinning teacups ride.  No matter where I end up, I still feel dizzy.

I love the Avengers, even the second time.  Possibly more so.

I'm worried sick about those I love.  So many people that are struggling, so many to help and hold and keep.  So much truth I wish I could share, but not quite knowing how.  My sister, my mom, and all my roommates.  Why can't I fix everything?  I guess the better question is this: how do I be okay recognizing that others making the right choices isn't necessarily the most important thing, it's allowing them to use their agency in the best possible way.  (Thank you again, Joss Whedon).

Today I did something I've never done before.  I ran six miles.  SIX MILES.  The last mile was so, so hard- but I did it, with the help and support of my great roommate (and some angels, I'm sure).  It feels so good to know that by body is capable of so much.

I wish I could stop directing my resentful feelings toward others.  I have so much to be grateful for, and everyone is living their life in the best way they know how.

And sometimes...sometimes you just have to cry.

This is one heck of a journey.  While I love the steps along the way, sometimes it's hard not to wish I could just skip to the end already.