I love theater. I'm so grateful for it, and for the time in my life that it gave me a healthy outlet to play and laugh and pretend. The blissful memories, the friends I made, and the skills I learned. Mostly, I love theater for the escape it has been in my life.
And yet, now it's holding me back. Just when I think I'm being transparent about the way I feel, I learn that only those who are the very closest to me can even tell that something's amiss. Even in my attempts to let others in, through what seems like desperate pleas for caring, I come across as fine. Grumpy, tired, and hungry, sure. But ultimately fine.
Why do I act? More to the point, why am I so good at it that others can't even tell what I'm really feeling? And how can I change? Life is full of paradoxes, and us trying to making opposing concepts fit together in seemingly impossible ways. I'm grateful for challenges and opportunities to learn and grow.
...and sometimes, I get frustrated. I hate having to ask for hugs or help. Wouldn't it just be so much easier if people could tell what I needed?
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